Professor Mint T. Zloty is a highly valued member of the Archives and of the University, whether living or dead, and we have no desire whatsoever to ever lose his presence in our fine establishment.
However, were he to say, step into the light, or the darkness, or whatever force might be calling him away from us, we would bear him no grudge whatsoever, and though it might be hard for us, we would find some way to muddle through it. This, especially because on the other side of the light would be many wondrous things, all the iced cream he could eat, another world, anxiously awaiting a great and forgiving man such as himself – which would certainly be something much much better than haunting the corridors of our university or hanging around his dusty laboratory.
In fact, should he, in his great wisdom, come to the realization that he is in fact dead, we would probably be compelled to build a wing on the archives in his name, erect a statue, and perhaps even fund a moving picture about his adventures and exploits in his great honor – especially should he sign a simple waiver, agreeing not to be summoned by any members of other colleges, or law enforcement representatives.
However, until then, and after, he will always be regarded as the greatest professor ever to grace this establishment, and an all-around spectacular example of learning and of wisdom.
